| One bipolar ex-brother-in-law, one roomate, six hair colors, thirteen paintings, two phones, twelve books, one pet mouse, thirty bonfires, one graduation party, eight lovers, and three hoodies later: starting college in two weeks, and i want to be a paleantologist, an art teacher, and a psychologist. And my goal is to move out by winter. |
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| it's been a YEAR. what the shit! |
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here's the deal. homecoming is the most recent event that i have pictures from (besides me and sam's joint birthday party, but we won't talk about that because it was a complete faliure besides the mcdonalds breakfast) so here are a few of those: 
it was fun and cute. anyways, i wouldn't have rushed to xanga so furiously if i didn't have a problem. so here's my problem: i'm in love. it's this guy i met a long time ago, and that's when i fell in love with him. so, he moves away and i sort of kill myslef a little everyday because the pain of my heart shrinking day in and day out is all too overwhelming. so one night a year later he tells me over the phone he's coming back to visit some family, etc. so we meet at v.a. for a few hours. and i fall more in love with him. only not, because i don't really think i believe in love. but it's something. anyways, he's really old. and i may not even have a chance, and it's driving me a little mad.. ok and here's where it gets interesting because i also like someone at school that likes to lead me on, and i just come running back for more. so i don't know what he wants because i'm gettign really mixed signals, and now i'm debating whether or not to become a hermit/anthropologist and then emerge several years later so that maybe i can finally read people. anyways, i'm sick of wanting what i can't have. lately i've been having the strangest urge to get up in front of everyone in class and just ask them who the fuck they think they are. kind of like, if i died tomorrow who and what would i say good bye to? or what the hell am i waiting for, because in a decade i'm going to be on my way to 30. i just want to do shit, and no body else wants to! it's fucking eating away at me all the time! anyways... i was home sick today sewing my costume for hours. it's pretty cute. i'm being a cow. |
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| well, xanga. it's been a great many years since we first met. and now we're sharing yet another acomplishment together, and THAT would be:
my band jonsie playing at clearwater theatre tonight. it never crossed my mind that i'd be on that stage, and its just really weird. it was so fun though! i love playing music and i plan to do it for ever and ever!
p.s. i'm happy and i love life.
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summer. is here.
thank the lawd.
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